A Second Chance
by ShatteredHeart15
Summary: The night Olivia Benson and Brian Cassidy slept together they made a baby. A beautiful little girl. Olivia didn't feel like she would make a good Mother because of her past with her own Mother so she gave the girl up for adoption. 13 years later Mother & daughter are reunited when her daughter ends up her newest case victim. *DARK TRIGGERS*
1. Seeing You Again

**A/N: This is co-written with WritingForMySoul12.**

 **Chapter One**

It started out like any other day. Olivia walked into the squad room and sat down at her desk and booted her computer up and started sorting through her emails. She was just about to get up and grab her first cup of coffee of the day when the phone rang. "Benson." She wrote down the information and grabbed her gun and badge. She brought Fin along with her. She didn't trust Amanda and Nick enough yet. Fin and Olivia walked into Bellevue and headed to the registration desk and she flashed her badge. "I'm Det. Olivia Benson, this is my partner Fin Tutuola, we're hear for the rape victim."

"One moment, I'll get the Doctor for you." The nurse said.

After a minute a Doctor arrived. "Hi, I'm Doctor Owens."

"How bad is it?" Olivia asks.

"13 year old girl came in battered and raped. I will be frank with you, she was brutalized. We just got the bleeding stopped. She is scared of men so your partner should probably wait outside." Doctor Owens explained while she lead Fin and Olivia to the girls room.

"What's her name?" Olivia asks.

"Essence Rowland." Doctor Owens said. She opened the door and let Olivia in.

When she looked up from writing down the victims name and their eyes met, she felt sick to her stomach. It couldn't be. But a Mother just knows. She was seeing her baby for the first time in 13 years. And she hated herself.

Essence looked down the minute their eye's met. She didn't want to talk. It scared her that they looked so much alike. She knew she was adopted at birth and then tossed out like a dumpster baby that no one ever wanted once her adopted parents had a child of their own. She fidgeted with the IV line. She didn't know what to say nor did she want to be the first one to talk.

"Honey do you have family we can reach out to, to let them know you are here?" Olivia asked softly.

Essence panicked. "No please don't call them! You don't understand, they will blame me for this and I already blame myself enough! I was stupid!"

Olivia's heart broke. "Essence, sweetie, what happened to you was not your fault."

Essence didn't have the strength to argue with her. She just wanted her to go away.

"Do you mind if I sit next to you sweetie?" Olivia asked.

Essence contemplated for a moment before she made a decision. "I guess." She cried.

"Essence honey can you tell me what happened?" Olivia asked gently and softly.

"I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to remember what happened, please don't make me."

Olivia felt so bad. Her heart dropped 10 stories. "I know this is hard but I promise you I will not let him hurt you ever again."

Essence was broken and terrified. "My foster parents t-t-t-they started screaming again. My foster dad he...he was drunk and when my foster mom passed out...I...I had to get out of there. I..I didn't want him...I mean I just had to leave. I went to the park. I should have known better. It was dark but I wanted to escape. On...on my way home there was a man and he grabbed me. He...He slammed me on the concrete and I blacked out. I..I woke up and I was so bloody and so sore...It's my fault...I should have known better. When I was coherent enough I called 911 on my cellphone...And now Im here. I can't talk about this anymore, please I want to stop."

Olivia's heart broke. She felt so much guilt and regret. She knew that if she had just kept her none of this would've ever happened. Her little girl was in so much pain. She looked so malnourished and broken. This was not how her baby was supposed to look at 13.

Olivia was having a hard time dealing with her emotions. She felt guilt, hurt and angry all at once. She thought she had made the right decision giving her baby away. And it wasn't easy for her to do. She didn't even hold her or look at her once she was born. She cried everyday for two years. And now she was reunited with her baby girl and she wanted to hold her and tell her everything. She wanted to take her home and protect her from all the evil in the world. But first she had to find the bastard to hurt her baby, kick his ass and then send him to jail.

Essence kept staring at Olivia. The woman felt familiar to her. She felt deep down that she knew this woman. She couldn't explain it, she felt drawn to her. And she didn't know why she felt that way. This woman was a stranger. Essence had been in enough foster homes to know that cops and social workers are just nice because they are being paid to. She knew once her rapist was caught she would never see Olivia again. And she couldn't explain it, the thought upset her. She couldn't help but ask where she had met the woman before. "Do I know you?"

Olivia was stunned. She didn't want to start things off with her daughter by lying to her. "We've met before." She said vaguely.

"But where?" Essence asked.

Olivia opened her mouth. The words 'I'm your Mother' were burning the back of her throat. Before the words could come out and create possibly more trauma, Doctor Owens walked in.

"Essence your foster parents are here." She said.

Essence started to become hysterical. "NNOO PPLEASEE MAKEE THEM GO AWAAYY! OLLIVVIAA" She cried out. "They will hurt me you don't understand!"

Olivia looked over at Doctor Owens and frowned and looked back at Essence.

Essence started freaking out in the hospital bed. "Please you have to make them go away!"

Olivia looked back at the doctor. "Dr. Owens please make something up about what's going on to buy time. I need to call in a favor."

"You got it." Doctor Owens said and left the room once again.

Olivia looked over to Essence. "Honey they are not coming in here I promise you."

Essence tried to calm her breathing.

"Melinda, I need a favor please meet me at Bellevue." Olivia said.

Olivia and Melinda met in the hallway outside of Essence's room.

"What's so urgent Liv?" Melinda asked.

Olivia took a deep breathe. "Do you remember the big event that happened 13 years ago?" She asked.

Melinda stared at her best friend like she was completely nuts. "Liv, what the hell does you having a baby have to do with this case?"

"It's her Mel! My baby is the victim. And I need you to do a DNA test to prove it. I know it's her." Olivia said. Her lip trembled and tears welled in her eyes.

Melinda pulled Olivia into her arms. "Has her rape kit been done already?" She asked.

"Yes, this needs to be done on the down low." Olivia said.

"I'll take your swab now and ill explain to her that she needs to be swabbed again because of contamination." Melinda said.

Melinda lead Olivia to an empty conference room and swabbed her mouth.

Then Olivia and Melinda went into the room together.

"Essence, this is a good friend of mine, Melinda Warner." Olivia said.

"Hi..." Essence said.

"Hi, Essence. I work for the lab and I'm here to take another swab of your mouth because there was some cross contamination." Melinda lied smoothly.

"Ok..." Essence said. She complied and opened her mouth and let Melinda swab her mouth.

Melinda and Olivia walked back out into the hall.

"I'll run this immediately. But I wouldn't find it necessary. She looks just like you." Melinda said. She hugged her friend and left.

Olivia wanted to go back in the room. She wanted to be there for her baby girl. She was scared to say exactly who she was to her. She didn't want to cause more trauma than she has already been through let alone she had no idea how she was even going to tell her. She walked back into Essence's room but seen she was asleep. The pain meds they gave her knocked her out, she hoped that maybe just maybe she could sleep peacefully, but working with victims she knew that wouldn't be the case. Olivia walked out of the hospital and got in her car. So many memories from 13 years ago flooded her mind. The day Essence came into this world. She tried to keep herself together. She didn't want to breakdown. Not here. Not in this parking lot. Olivia turned on her car and blared the radio to try and drown out her thoughts that were consuming every moment that was going by. She pulled out of the hospital parking lot and made her way back to the precinct to fill the squad in. When she pulled up outside of the 16th precinct, she checked her face in the mirror. She didn't think she could go in and face her coworkers looking the way she did. Her eyes were puffy and red. Her face was blotchy. She grabbed the makeup from her purse to try and cover up the fact she had been crying. Olivia didn't know how she was even going to be able to begin to work on this case. The one that was going to change her life forever.


	2. Regrets

_**A/N: Sorry my little ficlet readers for a short chapter, my friend who I am co-writing this with just moved and is in the process of getting settled in. We promise to have much longer chapters coming for you! Thank you for all the love for this story!**_

 _ **Happy Readings!**_

When Olivia walked into the precinct she was sure if she was going to be able to say anything. She was lost for words but hoped Melinda would call her soon. She hoped running the DNA wouldn't take long. She looked around the squad. She sat across from her partner Nick and stared off into space. "Liv are you ok?" Nick asked. "Yeah I'm fine just tired. This is going to be a hard case but it always is when it involved children." Olivia didn't want to share the real reason behind why this was going to be so difficult on her. She wasn't even sure she wanted to share this with the captain... Olivia was startled by the ring of her phone. She looked down, it was Melinda. "Liv can you go to room where you are alone?" Liv looked around. "Yeah I can do that." Liv got up from her desk. "I am walking to an interview room right now." When Olivia got into the interview room she shut the door behind her. She was anxious to hear what Melinda had to tell her. "Olivia I will give you news that you want to hear first. It is your daughter. Here is the bad news it was Harris who raped Essence." Olivia went into shock she didn't know what to say.

"Liv? Liv are you there?" Melinda asked worriedly.

Olivia pulled herself together. "Yeah, yeah, I'm here. Thanks Mel." She said before hanging up. She walked back into the squad room and looked around. "I need someone to find out how and when the hell Harris got out!"

She wanted this bastard back behind bars for several reasons. Number one, he raped and beat her baby. Number two, all the other young women and girls he could prey upon. Number three, she wanted the fucker dead. So it would be best for everyone, especially Essence if he just went back to jail. Sure, when Melinda had told her who had raped her daughter she had a slight flashback to the day in the basement but she shook it off. In fact it was the first time it had affected her in years.

Nick and Amanda stared at her dumbly.

"Liv, who's Harris?" Amanda asked.

Olivia completely ignored Amanda. She couldn't handle her right now. She walked into Captain's office. "I need to talk to you and I am not exactly sure how I am going to say this so I am just going to come right out with it. Harris raped the victim Essence which who is also my daughter."

Captain Cragen looked at Olivia in shock. "Harris is out? And the victim is the baby you gave up 13 years ago? I'm just now finding this out? What the hell Liv?"

Olivia didn't know what to say. "Liv, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said. I can't let you work this case." Olivia looked into his eyes. "Captain why, you know I was the first person that she talked to, I was the first person she open up to."

"Olivia, you know that you can't work this case because you will be thinking like her Mother, not a cop." Cragen said.

"Captain, I need to do this. I have to make it up to her." Olivia said.

Captain Cragen sighed. "Liv, you couldn't have known this was going to happen when you gave her up."

"I just gave her up and I never even looked back!" Olivia snapped. She was so angry at herself. She stormed out of the office and right out of the squad room and out the precinct doors. She took off in her car. She couldn't deal. It was too much. All the regrets and she had so many about giving up her daughter, were slapping her in the face.


	3. And The Truth Comes Out

_**A/N: So here's another chapter, we appreciate so much love for this fan fiction. My bestie (WritingForMySoul12) and I found a way to write. We wrote this chapter through texting :) She will be back soon, my friend that I am writing this with, as she continues to get settled in from moving we promise to have an update very soon.**_

 _ **Happy Reading my little ficlit fans**_

 _ **Reviews :)**_

 _ **Trigger Warning for the end SH**_

Olivia drove and drove. She had no idea where she was going. But her subconscious lead her to the hospital. She looked up at the hospital and slammed her fist on the steering wheel "shit!"  
She knew she had to get out of the car and go see about Essence. She wanted and needed to see about her.  
Olivia got out of the car and slowly walked into the hospital. She got into the elevator and went up to the floor Essence was on. She walked into her room and saw Essence was asleep. "Hey Olivia, can I talk to you for a minute?" The Doctor asked. "Yeah." They stepped out into the hallway. "Her foster parents came back and they told her they didn't sign up for this. It's going to take a week for her to find another placement. We had to sedate ger last night. She ripped her IV out and took off down the hall." Olivia nodded taking in all the information. "What will happen to her if she doesn't get placement by the time you release her?" She asked. "I don't know." The Doctor squeezed Olivia's shoulder and walked away. Olivia walked into Essences room and sat beside her. She held her hand and prayed that Essence would forgive her.

Olivia was getting ready to tell her but choked on her own words. She felt hot tears getting ready to trickle down her face. For a moment she just sat there and held her hand. The moment she told her she knew that her life would never be the same. Essence would be filled with so many question but Olivia's biggest fear would be the anger and hurt. She would feel so much guilt and scared Essence would blame her for all the bad that has happened in her life. "Essence honey, how are you feeling?"

Olivia got no response. The sedation was still very prominent in Essence system.

Olivia sat back in the chair next to the hospital bed hoping she would wake up soon. She didn't really care to go back to the precinct because all they would do is bombard her with questions she didn't care to answer.

She ended falling asleep without realizing it. Hours had passed and Essence had woken up to see Olivia asleep in the chair next to her. "What is with this lady" she thought "stalker much!"

"Hey!" Essence said. She smirked when Olivia bolted up and looked around.

Olivia smiled at her daughter. "Hey sweetie, how are you doing?" She asked. "Why the hell are you here? I thought I was never gonna see you again." Essence said.

Olivia didn't know what to say. But she realized it would never be the right time to tell the girl she was her Mother. She opened her mouth and spoke from her heart. "The other day you asked me how we knew each other."

"Yeah..." Essence said with attitude.

"I didn't really give you answer." Olivia said. She was starting to get really nervous. "Will you just spit it out? It's not like you're going to tell me you're my Mom or something!" Essence snapped. Olivia stiffened at the words. Essence caught on. "It can't be true! Is it?!" Olivia started to cry. "Say the words dammit!" "It's true. Im your Mom..." "GET THE HELL OUT! GET OUT!" Essence shouted. She threw the small pitcher of water that was on her bedside table.

Olivia didn't know what to do. Deep down she knew she was going to react like this. Tears started to fall as Olivia walked out of the room. She had no idea what was going to happen from here but she knew that Essence now knew the truth. She hoped and prayed deep down Essence wouldn't shit her out forever now and want nothing to do with. Olivia started to blame herself now more than ever. 'Had I just kept her, none of this would ever happened' she thought. Olivia got into her car and pulled out her cellphone and texted the captain that she needed a personal day and told him what happened.

"Liv take the day, we won't drown without you." Olivia was relieved she headed back to her apartment and dug into her closet when she got there. She found the sonograms of Essence and her hospital bracelet from the day she was born. She broke down not sure how to even begin to deal with any of this.

Olivia ended up going through all the pictures that were taken the day her precious daughter was born. She wanted so badly for Essence to forgive her but now she had no idea if that was even a possibility.

Olivia pulled herself together and decided she needed to take a shower. She turned the hot water on and let the bathroom steam up. She got in under the stream and broke down again. Her heart was breaking because of all of this. She didn't get out of the water until it turned cold. She checked her phone and saw 15 missed calls from the hospital. "Olivia, we can't fond Essence. She escaped when the nurses switched shifts."

Essence world had been completely flipped upside down. She wanted to scream, cry, and get angry anything. She wanted to get out of this hospital she couldn't take it anymore. She wanted to use her own coping mechanisms. It 24 hours not only she had been brutally raped but come to find out her own mother that gave her up was a sex crimes detective. "How could she do this to me? Why would she give me up? Why the hell would she let this happen to me and let my whole life be nothing but hell?"

Olivia arrived at the hospital in record time. "How could you lose my baby?!"

"Wait, she's your daughter?" The Doctor asked.

'Shit!' Olivia thought. "Yes, she is." She didn't need to explain herself to this woman. She needed to find her child. She started thinking. If Essence was anything like her, she would want to go outside where she could be alone. "The roof!" She said out loud. She took off for the staircase that lead to the roof.

When she got there she searched around for Essence. She found her sitting in a corner, cutting. "Essence! Put that down honey."

"Don't honey me! This is all your fault!" Essence snapped.

Olivia was hurt and taken back by her words. She didn't know what to say to Essence because deep down Olivia did feel like it was her fault. She wanted to be there for her little girl more than ever. She didn't know if that was even going to be a possibility at the rate things were going.

Olivia slowly stepped towards Essence as she was getting ready to jump off the ledge. "Honey please don't!"

Olivia began to panic Essence was on ledge ready to jump and she didn't know if she could stop her.

"Essence, I know your mad at me. And I know you have a lot of questions. And if you want to blame me, blame me. Because I blame myself." Olivia said. She had gone into cop mode.  
"Will you just shut the hell up?! Isn't bad enough you just threw me away like a gift given to you at Christmas by your great aunt that you don't really know?! Why did you come back?! I wasn't good enough for you before!" Essence said. She was looking down at the street. She was thinking if she just let herself fall it would all be over.


	4. Needing To Save Her

Essence was on the ledge contemplating jumping. She wanted all of this to just be over with. She couldn't handle the mess her life had become. "Honey please do not jump. None of this is your fault." Essence turned around and started screaming. "How would you know what's my fault and what isn't? You were not there ever. You have no idea what the hell I have been through." Olivia started to cry. She just got her baby girl back and didn't want to lose her. "You're completely right. I know I wasn't there and I am sorry."

Essence didn't know how to take that. She knew Olivia was being sincere. Essence got done but wanted to get in Olivia's face and scream at her and just get everything out.

"YOU THINK SAYING SORRY IS GOING TO FIX EVERYTHING?! WERE YOU EVEN GOING TO TELL ME WHO YOU WERE?! OR WERE YOU PLANNING ON WALKING AWAY AGAIN AFTER ALL OF THIS WAS OVER?! HOW CAN A SELFISH BITCH LIKE YOU BE MY MOTHER?! I WOULD NEVER ABANDON MY BABY!" Essence shouted in Olivia's face.

Olivia didn't know what else to do so she did the only thing she could think of. She wrapped her arms around Essence and held her tight. "Baby, I am sorry. I will spend the rest of my life saying sorry to you but I'm not going to let you kill yourself!" She pulled her off the ledge and held her all the way to the door, mesmerized by how light she was.

"Get off me you cunt! You can't do this! Let me kill myself! You obviously didn't care what was going to happen to me when you gave me up!" Essence was trying to get out of Olivia's hold.

Olivia held onto her but not to hard because she didn't want to hurt her. She carried her into the hospital and started yelling for help. "Please help me?! My daughter was trying to kill herself on the roof." A nurse came running with a sedative. "Get that shit away from me!" Essence yelled. "Mam please hold her still." The nurse stuck the needle in Essences hip. Her flailing body soon went limp and everything went dark and she fell asleep in Olivia's arms. The nurse brought over a gurney and put her on it. They took her to floor that she room was on. It was breaking Olivia's heart that her own daughter was ready to take her life but she blamed herself. 'I have to do something to change this and show her that I truly care' she thought. 'I need to go to the courts and see the caseworker.' Olivia wanted to make this right. She also wanted to protect her daughter from herself being so suicidal as she was.

Olivia pulled her phone and as she exited the hospital. "Alex I need a favor please meet me at Bellevue." Alex was confused she didn't know what for. She got out of her bed not caring what she threw on. This was her chance to be there for her. She knew she wanted to win Olivia over. Alex walked to her car and immediately headed straight to the hospital. She had no idea what was going on. It was 3am and it was unusual for Olivia to call her in the middle of the night unless it was work related.

Alex met Olivia standing outside of Bellevue. "Liv, what's going on?"

"Could we sit down?" Olivia asked nervously. "I have something to tell you."

They walked back inside the hospital and sat down in am empty waiting room. "What do you need to tell me?" Alex asked.

Olivia took a deep breath. "13 years I spent the night with Brian Cassidy and 9 months later I had a baby. A baby girl. I was feeling so messed up with my own life, I gave her up for adoption. Yesterday I got a new case, a thirteen year old girl was brought in raped, beaten and brutalized. And I'm telling you this because that victim is my daughter. I knew it the moment I saw her. And I had Melinda perform a DNA test to confirm."

Olivia just let the whole story spill out. By the time she was done there was a mix of emotions on Alex's face.

"Alex please say something?" But no words would come out. "Alex, anything." Alex didn't want to say the wrong thing though. She didn't want to say something and Olivia go off on her. "Liv, I'm so sorry. I am here for you, what do you need me to do, whatever it is, anything." Olivia nodded and started to tell her she needed help to get rights back to her own daughter. She let her know that she had been dumped into the system. "Liv there is a very good chance here, your stable. I can also be there for you along the way. A shoulder to lean on when things get hard." Olivia was becoming emotional. "Thank you Alex. We have to hurry my baby is in trouble she tried to take her own life." Alex knew that this was serious and picked up her phone immediately to call in a favor to get the ball rolling. She wasn't going to let Olivia down.

Alex called into the DA's office. She didn't care if it was the middle of the night. She didn't want to see Olivia's daughter on the brink of committing suicide. She needed help and Olivia needed parental rights.

"What do you need Alex?" Donnelly asked, leaning back in her chair.  
"Who is this?" Donnelly asked, tiredly. "Sorry to call in the middle of the night Judge it's Alex Cabot." "What can I do for you Alex?"

"I know I woke you but I was wondering if you can get the ball rolling for Olivia to have her rights restored to her daughter." Alex said.

"Olivia...Olivia Benson?" Donnelly asked. Double checking.

"Yes, she is wanting to have rights restored to her and take her out of the system." Alex said.

"What's the child's name?" Donnelly asked.

"Essence Rowland." Alex answered.

Donnelly wrote it down. "I'll see what I can do. I'll be in contact with you." She hung up and started calling her connections at social services.

Alex sighed as she hung up on her end. She hope this would work out for Olivia. She walked back over to where Olivia was standing. "Olivia Donnelly is going to see what she can do. I have a feeling the chances are very good because she has a lot of strings she can pull over at Social Services." Before Olivia could realize it she took Alex into her arms and embraced her. She has never been so grateful to have Alex in her life. Olivia cried as she held onto Alex. "Alex this means the world to me. Thank you so much. I just hope I can make this up to her. I already blame myself so much. I thought I was doing the right thing."

Alex's heart broke at that moment for Olivia. She just wanted to be there for her. Hold her at that moment. Let her know that everything was going to be ok.

Alex held Olivia close. "Of course Liv. Anything for you." A throat cleared interrupting the moment they were sharing. "Olivia, I just wanted you to know that we are holding Essence for 3 days in the psych ward." The Doctor said.

"Thank you so much Doctor." Olivia said.

Olivia looked into Alex's eyes, "I'm sure you have a lot of questions for me." She smiled and waited patiently.  
"Liv... I wanna talk about this but here and now is not the time." Alex said.

"I understand. How about we talk over breakfast?" Olivia asked.

"Ok. I'm gonna go back home and get some sleep. I'll call you when I get up." Alex said.

Alex was secretly excited to go out on what she was calling a date with Olivia for breakfast. She remembered the smell of Olivia's coconut shampoo and it made her smile. She wanted so badly to be a part of Olivia's life and hopefully one day her daughters as well.

Meanwhile at the hospital Olivia had never been more relieved that they were admitting Essence to the psych ward. At least if she's there she thought she wouldn't lose her baby girl. She wouldn't be able to handle life if all of a sudden her daughter's existence was gone.


	5. Love That Binds

**TRIGGERS: Domestic violence scene in italics.**

 **Chapter Five**

Olivia got into the psych ward thanks to knowing the head Doctor and fell asleep in the chair next to Essence's bedside. She had watched her sleep for an hour and prayed that it wasn't too late for her to be the Mother she wanted to be.

Essence woke up and looked around. Her mind was still foggy but bits and pieces were coming to her. She looked over at Olivia and glared at her. She couldn't believe the woman had the nerve to be there. Hadn't she done enough?

Olivia startled and woke up. She couldn't help but smile because Essence really was her little clone. "I'm your Mother, I'm supposed to be here." She said.

"Right? Cause you have always been here for me..." Essence said.

Olivia sighed. This wasn't going to be easy. "What happened with your family?" She asked. That question was nagging the back of her mind. When she had gone through the adoption process she had met with the couple and they had assured her they wanted the baby.

"What always happens. They had a baby of their own and decided they didn't want me anymore so they gave me back..." Essence said quietly.

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry. If I had known..." Olivia said. She reached out to touch Essence's cheek but stopped when she noticed the girl cringe.

"It's whatever. Look, why are you still here?" Essence asked.

"It's because I love you." Olivia said in a very caring tone. "I never stopped loving you and I know you are very angry with me and I just hope that you will give me a chance."

Essence really didn't have anything to say to her. "Please just leave, you really need to give me time. You can't just walk back into my life after all these years and expect everything to be fine. Give me some time, okay?"

Olivia couldn't argue with what her daughter said to her. It was true. Essence needed time. So much has happed to her within the last day. Slamming this on her was the tip of the ice berg and blew her top off. Olivia walked out with her head up trying not to cry. She made her way out of the hospital into the cold brisk night. She pulled her cell phone and texted Alex that she was heading back to her place and left it at that. Olivia didn't want to go into detail about what was really all going on in a text message. She made her way down the sidewalk and over to her car. She opened the door and put her seatbelt on and pulled off. She couldn't get her mind to shut off and she knew for a fact that she wouldn't be sleeping that night. As Olivia pulled into her driveway she kind of imagined to herself what it would be like to have her child living at home with her. She has regretted every moment of everyday giving her up. She walked up to her door and unlocked to get in. She made sure it was locked behind her before she walked into her bedroom. She put on her fleece comfy clothes and cuddled up into bed to only be left tossing and turning. She just wanted an ease of mind but knew that wasn't going to happen anytime soon until things were at least somewhat okay.

Hours had passed and she just wasn't able to close her eyes. She jumped out of bed and walked over to the bathroom to take a long hot bath and even lit some candles. She put on relaxation music. She hoped so badly this would work. Her own thoughts were going to drive her mental. She dipped her body down into the hot water with the Jacuzzi jets on. She felt her muscles finally begin to relax but no matter how hard she tried the thoughts just wouldn't stop. So much guilt rampaged over her. She couldn't take it anymore. She had to fix this no matter what it took. She leaned over to grab her cell phone and dialed Alex. After a few rings, she was so thankful she answered. "Alex, I need you over here now, please."

Alex could hear the urgency in her voice. "I will be right there." Alex walked over to her UGG boots and grabbed her car keys on her nightstand and headed immediately to Olivia's apartment. She hoped and prayed Olivia wouldn't do anything to hurt herself because she knew deep down she wasn't dealing with any part of this situation well at all.

Olivia pulled her knees up to her chest and began to cry. All she could see was the look of pain on her child's face as she told her how she wound up back in the system. She was really beating herself up over that one. That couple had promised her they would take care of her baby and love her as their own. 'What a crock of shit!' She thought. She became so lost in her thoughts she didn't even notice the water turn cold or hear Alex come in.

Alex had arrived and knocked on the door. She waited five minutes before she got worried and used the key that was hidden in the horse statue to let herself in. When she found Olivia shivering and crying in the bathtub she knew it was going to be a long night. "Come on Liv, the water's cold. Let's get you into some clothes." She said as she helped Olivia stand. She draped a towel over her shoulders and started drying her hair with another one.

Olivia took the towel that was draped over her shoulders and tied it in a knot over her chest. "Thank you for coming." She said.

"Of course. Now go put some clothes on." Alex said gently nudging Olivia out of her bathroom and into her bedroom.

Olivia was a wreck.

"Liv what are these old scars?"Alex asked when she caught a glimpse of Olivia's body. Olivia didn't want to go there. Not right now. "Alex not right now..."

Alex became worried. So many thoughts wondered in her head would they could be. 'Was she in an abusive relationship? Did she do this to herself,? No she couldn't have. That isn't like her.' It began to bug her. She wished she would just tell her.

Olivia grabbed a sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants. She was still shivering so she curled up under her comforter and turned the opposite direction of Alex.

"Honey please talk to me, please don't do this to yourself. Maybe it's a good idea to talk to someone about all this. Maybe have that family session. She's upset Liv, a lot has happened. She doesn't mean what she is saying. Essence is lashing out because she hurts." Alex said.

Olivia knew she was right. She turned over to face Alex and put her head on her lap.

Alex took her hand and softly stroked her hair.

"Alex, I'm so lost. I don't know what to do anymore. Those scars you seen... Brian, he got physical but it was only once. It was over the baby. He threw me into the nightstand." Olivia said softly.

Alex hid her gasp under her breath. She wanted to go find Brian Cassidy and kick his ass but she remembered she had never met him. By the time she became SVU's DA he was already gone.

Olivia remembered that day like it was yesterday...

 _She had just called Brian over. She couldn't wait to tell him the news. The second he knocked on the door, she yanked it open. He leaned in for a kiss and she grabbed his hands and lead him to the couch._

 _"What's going on?" Brian asked._

 _"I took a pregnancy test today." Olivia said._

 _"Oh?" Brian said._

 _"I'm pregnant!" Olivia said excitedly._

 _"Dammit!" Brian said. He raked his hands through his hair. "When are you gonna get rid of it?"_

 _Olivia's happy mood immediately evaporated. She stood up and crossed the room. She placed her hands on her still flat stomach. "Get rid of it? Brian, I want to keep it." She said._

 _"It's gonna ruin everything!" Brian growled. He got up and walked over to Olivia and roughly shook her. "You can't do this to me! Everything was perfect until you got yourself pregnant!"_

 _"I seem to remember you being an equal participant the night we left Malonies together!" Olivia said._

 _The next thing she knew Brian slapped her across the face. "I'm not asking you Olivia. Get rid of it."_

 _"No! And you know what? That is the last time you will ever touch me. See yourself out!" Olivia said. She couldn't believe he slapped her. She headed for her bedroom._

 _Brian grabbed her from behind by her hair. "So you think you're just going to break up with me and trap me with child support?! You bitch!" He said before throwing her, full force, into her nightstand and storming out._

Olivia snapped back to it and flinched the minute Alex touched her shoulder. "Liv, honey are you ok?"

Olivia could barely hear her but managed to let out a small hum and nod. She cried on her lap. She had never told anyone about that before. "Alex, I have never told anyone that before...and it's to late to press charges on him, he almost made me miscarry."

Alex's heart broke for Olivia.

"Alex I love you, I really do. I don't want to hide it anymore. I just want to be honest with you. You have been nothing but so nice to me and open arms of comfort."

Alex smiled a little. "Liv honey I love you to and I am not going anywhere." Alex curled up under the comforters with her and wrapped her arms around her. Held her tightly to reassure her that she was never going to leave her. Before she knew the brunette had fell asleep with her head on her chest. In that moment for just even a few hours everything seemed like it would be ok.


	6. Choices for a New Beginning

The next morning Olivia woke up before Alex did. She looked over and smiled. This woman made her feel whole again. Before she could stay trance she heard her cellphone ringing and it also woke up Alex. It was Fin. She hoped they had caught a lead on the case. "Benson" "We have caught a lead. We found out Harris got out a year ago. He is staying in a basement at his friends out. We are about to make an arrest. We thought you like to be here when we bring him in." "Roger, be there in 10." Olivia jumped out of bed. "Alex they caught a lead. They know where Harris is and they are about to make an arrest. I am going in. I was to kill the bastard. He hurt my little girl on top of what he did to me. This is personal." Alex could tell by the look on Olivia's face that someone was going to have to hold her back. Olivia found her clothes and quickly ran into the restroom and cleaned herself up and got dressed quicker than she ever had. "Alex are you coming with me or are you going to take your own car in?" Alex tried to talk half asleep. "I will meet you there baby." Olivia nodded and rushed out the door. She drove faster than she should have to get to the precinct and used her cop card to get through the lights. When she arrived she couldn't help to not control her language. "Where the hell is this asshole who should have never been let out. I will personally escort him back to prison and throw him in the whole to never be let out." Cragen could tell Olivia was fired up. "Liv, they will be here any minute. Please don't let your anger get the better of you and you end up beating the hell out of him." Olivia nodded and knew she needed to follow her captain's orders. Before she could reply she turned around and seen Fin and Amaro bring Harris in handcuffs.

Olivia was 2 seconds from following behind them to castrate the fucker and put his balls in a blender right in front of him. If she could get away with it she would.

Cragen could see the conflict of Olivia's inner war in her eyes. He could tell she was having problems and her self-control was slipping. "Olivia, get in your car and go home."

"But Captain...I..." Olivia was so angry she could hardly speak. She just wanted to take off and curb stomp the bastard.

"Olivia that is an order." Cragen said.

Olivia didn't argue. She clenched her fists and stomped out of the station and over to the car. 'I would be doing everyone a favor if I just killed him!' She thought. 'Then Essence would be thrown back into the system.' She thought. It was as if she had the cartoon devil and angel on each of her shoulders. She slammed her hands against the steering wheel in frustration. She took a few deep breathes and started the engine. Her only saving grace was being able to walk into Alex's open arms when she walked through her office doors. "I saw him and I just wanted to kill him!" She said into Alex's neck.

Alex rubbed her back in small circles. "But you didn't. You didn't kill him. He's not going to get away with it baby, I'll make sure he never gets out. He's done. It's his second offense. No jury will ignore that." Alex said.

"I should have never let him get away for trying to rape me! And then he never would have gotten out and raped my daughter!" Olivia cried. She pushed away from Alex and took off for the bathroom. She was extremely close to losing it and she didn't want the rookies, dumb and dumber, to see her so unglued when she went back to the precinct.

Cragen looked up to see Olivia walking in. "Detective my office now! That is a direct order." Olivia knew she had done it this time. She disobeyed order from her captain. There was no turning back from the actions she had proceeded to make. "Captain I..." Cragen gave her the look of I will speak and you will listen to me without saying a word. "Olivia what the hell do you think you are doing? Don't answer that it's a rhetorical question. I told you to go home and I mean. Go visit your daughter in the office. Instead of following a direct order I find you doing something stupid as to walk back in here. I suggest you make your way out of my office right now and I if I have to have some damn rookie escort you out I will. Now go." Olivia knew she had crossed the line by returning. She couldn't think before she acted at this point she was so pissed off. She made her way out before she had gotten into any more trouble. She decided she was going to go to the hospital and let Essence know they had caught him and he was going to go to jail for a long time. Olivia hoped deep down that he would plead guilty so her daughter wouldn't have to go through a trial at her state of mind right now. She wasn't so sure she could handle it. She grabbed her stuff from her desk and stormed out. Amanda decided to open her mouth. "OOOOOOO someone got in trouble." Olivia turned around and decided to just let it fly. "Amanda if you do not shut the fuck up. Like you have any room to be talking yourself with your screw up one after the other. At least I don't have victims trying to jump to their grave." With that she made her way to the elevator. Everyone around the precinct was left with their jaws wide open from the scene that just took place.

Captain Cragen came out of his office. "Children if you do not get your act together I promise you I will burry you all in paperwork. I have had about enough of this behavior. Amanda if you do not learn to contain your mouth I promise you I will put you on desk duty longer than you would ever care for. I will make you stay here late doing so much paper work you will start shitting it. So watch yourself."

Amanda snapped her mouth and her eyes grew wide. She knew she was stepping on thin ice. And it probably wouldn't hurt to apologize to Olivia the next time she saw her. "Yes Captain."

Cragen nodded and slammed his office door shut. He sighed as he lowered himself into his desk chair. Sometimes he really felt like a father of a room full of toddlers.

Olivia sped all the way to the hospital, she couldn't wait to tell Essence the news. She just wanted to see her baby even if Essence wouldn't talk to her. She walked into the room and smiled at her daughter who was sleeping. She sat in the chair next to her bed and watched her sleep for a few minutes before she dozed off herself.

"HEY!" Essence called.

Olivia startled and looked around then looked back at her daughter smirking. "Hey." She said stretching.

"What are you doing here?" Essence asked.

"I came to tell you something..." Olivia said.

"Ok..."Essence said.

"I came to tell you that the man who raped you was arrested today." Olivia said.

"So...what now? Are you going to leave me again?" Essence asked.

"Honey, no. I'm never going to leave you again." Olivia said.

Essence didn't know what to say. "Who is he?" She asked.

"Do you want to see him?" Olivia asked.

Essence nodded.

Olivia left Essence's bedside to go talk to the doctor. She wanted to respect her daughter's wishes but also didn't want to set her back in the fragile state she was already in. She walked over to the Nurses station, "Dr. Halley can I speak with you?" Dr. Halley looked up from his paperwork. "Sure think Detective Benson." Dr. Halley walked out from behind the nurse's station and walked with Olivia into a more private room.

"Dr. Halley, I was wondering if Essence is able to be released now."

"Detective Benson she is able to be released but I am afraid only to a parent or guardian." Olivia was at a loss for words.

"Which I am neither." The doctor nodded. "Can you hang on one moment I am going to make a call?" The doctor motioned for her to go head and that he would be waiting in his office for her.

"Alex its Olivia I need you to do something for me." Alex smiled. "Anything Liv." "Alex I need you to get ahold of a Judge for a hearing so I can get temporary guardianship of Essence. I know it's a long shot but I know this can happen. I am stable and can provide a home for her."

"Liv I will get right on this", they both hung up and Alex started to get to work to make this happen for Olivia.

Alex called Judge Donnelley's office the second she hung up with Olivia. "Judge Donnelly, this is Alex Cabot, I need a hearing to grant temporary guardianship...for Detective Benson...yes maim the child in question is her biological daughter...4 o' clock? Thank you." She hung up with the largest grin on her face. She knew Olivia would probably want to spend time with Essence so she just sent her a text. "Liv, Judge Donnelly wants us to meet in her chambers at 4."

Olivia was sitting in Essence's room with her, "I'm trying my best to get you out of here honey, but first I need to know if you want to live with me."

Essence chewed her bottom lip in thought. 'At least if I go with my own Mom I won't have to worry about strange men crawling into my bed to touch me at night.' She thought. "If I go with you, do I have to call you Mom? Like, can I still have time to get to know you and learn about where I come from?" She asked quietly. As if she was almost scared of Olivia's reaction.

Olivia sighed, "Sweetheart, there is no reason for you to be scared of me. I won't hurt you. And as much as I can't wait to hear you call me Mom you don't have to call me Mom. If you never call me Mom, I will understand." She said. She opened her mouth to say more but she felt her phone go off. She pulled it off and her face broke into a huge smile when she saw the text from Alex. She looked up at Essence with guarded, hopeful eyes and waited for her to process what she had just told her.

"Ok, I'll go live with you. I don't know if we can ever be Mother and Daughter but I would really like to get out of the system and have some place to call home for once." Essence said.

Olivia smiled and tears of happiness pricked her eyes. "Ok, I will go get the papers to get you out of here." She wanted so much to tell Essence she loved her and hold her close but she resisted. She knew Essence wasn't ready.

"Thank you." Essence said. She watched her Mother leave and tears began to stream down her face.

Olivia walked out to the doctor and told him the details and got the papers to sign Essence out. After she was done she walked back over to Essences room. "You ready to get out of here." Essence nodded. "Let's go." She was so relieved to just get out of this hospital. When they got to the parking lot Olivia turned to Essence, "Are you ready to go to the precinct and see him, we are only going to do this if you think you are ready." Essence nodded. "Also honey at 4 we need to go see the judge." Essence had no idea what was in store for her or if she was truly going to be able to handle seeing the man who stole everything from her.


	7. Court Hearing

When Essence got to the precinct her heart began to race. It felt like it was going to hammer through her chest. She squeezed Olivia's hand tighter. She instantly felt it and squeezed back to reassure her that everything was going to be ok, that she wasn't going anywhere. "Honey are you sure you're ready to do this?" Essence felt her stomach drop several stories. "I...I am not sure." She managed to choke out as the tears were starting trickle down her face. "We don't have to do this if you're not ready..." Essence nodded and agreed. "Can we please hold off? I changed my mind. Please." Olivia could see the pain in her face. How damaged she had become. It was breaking her heart and she wanted to pick up all the pieces and fix what had been done. "Of course you don't have to we can turn around right now and we can go to the Café if you would like. Court is not for another hour."

"Please can we?"

"Of course honey."

Olivia and Essence turned right around and headed back out the door and started to walk to the corner. When they got there they took a seat outside but they were both unsure of what to say to each other. "Olivia...I am sorry for the way I acted towards you. It's just so hard and I don't understand why. Everything bad just kept happening in my life and I always dreamt of the day I would meet you but I never imagined it would happen like this." Olivia felt the tears forming but took a deep breath in and out.

"I should have never given you up. It was the wrong thing for me to do and I don't know if I will be ever able to forgive myself." Essence could tell she was being sincere. 'Maybe I should give her a chance' she thought to herself, 'having a mom wouldn't be so bad and she's a cop and genuine so she wouldn't hurt me.' Before she could say something else a waitress came out. "What can I get you ladies?" Essence honey you can go first. "Just water with lemon please." Olivia looked over to the waitress, "I will have a coffee with 2 sugars and 2 creamers." The waitress finished writing down there order. "I will have these right out to you both."

Olivia and Essence both looked at each other and looked away.

"Sweetheart are you sure all you want is some water?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah, I don't have much of an appetite right now. Thanks anyways." Essence said. She pulled out her phone and started playing Mahjong.

Olivia watched her daughter play with her phone and was thinking about what to say to her. She had so much to tell her. She just didn't want to overwhelm her.

The waitress brought them their drinks and left.

Essence looked up at her Mother and chewed her bottom lip. She had so much to say but she knew none of what she wanted to ask was appropriate for a corner Café. "So...how long have you been doing this?" She asked.

"How long have I been a cop?" Olivia asks.

Essence nods.

"I've been a cop for 23 years. I've been with SVU basically since I finished my training." Olivia said.

"What made you want to...um...work the kind of cases you work?" Essence asked.

"Sergeant Karen Smyth, she trained me, she recommended me for the unit when I was finished." Olivia said. She felt like she was being too professional with her daughter, she also wanted to share her real drive for doing what she does but she didn't think Essence was ready to hear it yet. She looked at the time on her watch and saw it was time for them to head to the courthouse, "It's time to head to the court house are you ready to go?"

Essence chugged the rest of her water, nodded and stood.

The ride to the courthouse was silent but not uncomfortably so.

Alex met Olivia and Essence outside the courtroom. "Hey, we're just about ready to get started." She greeted Olivia with a kiss on the cheek.

Essence's eyes went wide. 'Whoa...my Mom is gay?...OMG did I just refer to her as my Mom?...Yes you did Essy...OMG I need to stop talking to myself.' She had a full blown conversation with herself.

"Essence this is Alex." Olivia said with a large smile on her face.

"Hi..." Essence said shyly.

"It's nice to meet you Essence." Alex said with a friendly smile on her face.

She looked over at Olivia and began to go over what would happen. "Ok, this should be really easy. The foster parents walked out on her and the state doesn't have anywhere to put her. The social worker has already gone over all the paperwork and at this point they would be more than happy to reunite Essence with her biological parents."

Olivia nodded. She looked at Essence and saw the pained look on her face. "Al, did you have to say it like that?" She asked.

"I didn't mean to. I'm sorry honey." Alex said looking at Essence.

Essence straightened up. "It's whatever. Can we go in now?"

Alex held the door open for Olivia and Essence to pass through and walked in behind them.

The social worker was up front talking to the judge, otherwise the courtroom was empty.

The whole proceeding only lasted about ninety minutes.

Essence agreed to live with Olivia and court was adjourned.

Olivia's rights were reinstated and she left the courtroom feeling like she was on cloud nine.

They headed out Olivia's car. Essence just wanted to get home. She was so exhausted though she immediately just felt into a deep sleep in the car. She felt at peace for once even if it's just in this moment.


	8. And So the Night Begins

**A/N: SEVERE TRIGGERS**

 **Chapter 8**

When Olivia and Essence arrived to the house Olivia wasn't sure how to wake her. She looked so peaceful and probably the best sleep she has had in a long time. "Essence Honey, we are home." But no response she must be in a really deep sleep. "Essence honey." Olivia place her hand gently on her shoulder.

"No please, I promise I will never do it again, please don't beat me." Essence shot up looking around her unable to breathe.

"Honey it's ok, Mommy is here." Essence looked around.

"Mommy help me..." Tears began to fall.

Olivia got out of the car and came around to the passenger side. Sje took Essence into her arms.

"Please don't ever leave me again." Essence begged.

"Honey I am not going anywhere. Why don't we go inside and get some dinner and we can watch some chick flicks." Essence grabbed onto Olivia's hand for dear life not letting go. She followed close behind Olivia into the house. "Come with me Honey I will show you around the house." She nodded and continued to follow her. "Down the hall is my bedroom and right across the hallway is your bedroom, both have their own bathrooms, and over here is the kitchen and then the living room. Pretty basic but it's home." Essence was happy. This was the nicest place she had ever lived in.

Essence sat down on the couch.

"Honey are you ok with Chinese food?" Olivia asked from the kitchen.

Essence's anxiety began to grow, she wanted nothing to do with food. "Ughm yea sure it's whatever, I am good with anything."

Olivia nodded and picked up her cell phone an ordered their dinner. When she was done she hung up and walked out to the living room. "It will be here in 30 minutes."

Essence just nodded and laid down and rested her head on Olivia's lap. Olivia didn't know what made Essence feel like being so close to her but she didn't mind it. She finally had her daughter back and that was more than she could ever ask for.

Essence felt immediate comfort as her Mother ran her fingers through her hair. They were just laying on the couch waiting for their dinner.

Olivia wasn't forcing her to talk and she appreciated it.

"Olivia?" Essence tried getting her Mother's attention.

Olivia's heart dropped when Essence didn't call her Mom again. "Yeah, baby?"

"I want to forgive you someday..." Essence said softly.

"The day you decide to forgive me and let me in will be one of the happiest days of my life." Olivia said.

"What's the other happiest day of your life?" Essence asked.

"That day is also the saddest day of my life...The day you were born." Olivia said.

"Oh..." Essence said. She didn't really know what to say.

Their dinner showed up and they ate in total silence. Each lost in their own thoughts.

Olivia and Essence went to the kitchen. "Honey are you going to have more than that?"

Essence shook her head. "I am not very hungry actually, its been a long day I am just really tired." Olivia just smiled she knew it had been a long day for her. "I figured we could go shopping tomorrow and have a girls day." This lit up Essence face. She never had the chance to get new things. "I would love to!" Olivia knew that this could be the chance for them to begin to bond.

When they sat at the dinner table Olivia watched as she played with the food side to side, "Ughm Olivia, can I please just go to bed, I am exhausted and really tired." Olivia half heartedly smiled. "Are you sure, you haven't touched anything." Essence nodded.

"Yes, I'm sure! Stop asking me that! What are you my Mother?!" Essence snapped.

Olivia stood up and slapped the table. "Stop it!" She said raising her voice. She squeezed the bridge of her nose. "I know you don't see me as your Mother, but that's who I am. You don't have to call me Mom until you mean or until you're ready and until you mean it. But you do need to respect me." She said in a calm tone of voice.

Essence just looked her up and down and crossed her arms across her chest. "I'm going to bed." She turned and walked away. She made sure to slam her bedroom door.

"DAMMIT!" Olivia shouted.

Essence wanted to just cry. She just hurt the only person who actually cared about her. She picked up the only stuff she actually owned and threw it up against the wall with no cares. She was stuck in hell or so she felt like it. Olivia heard this all going down, she didn't know what to do. All she knew was this normal and she was allowed to be angry. Her world had been flipped upside. Essence in her bedroom was screaming at the top of her lungs but it was getting to the point Olivia felt like the NYPD was going to be called for a murder that wasn't evening going down. She decided she need to take this into her own hand and calm Essence down or at least get her to stop screaming psycho bloody murder. Olivia walked down the hallway. "You know Essence I can scream just as loud as you and beat against the wall like so..." AHHHHHHHH Olivia let out and began to kick the wall. This through Essence for a loop. All she wanted to do is throw the tantrum, tired herself out and sleep.

Essence flipped the door wide open. "What are you doing? Are you enjoying acting like me?!" Olivia just smiled. "Why are you laughing at me?" Essence cried out. Olivia just looked at her. She could tell that she was tired. "Are you done yet? Do you want to sleep in the bedroom with me honey?" "Actually yes please." But secretly she was just planning on kicking her in the stomach in the middle of the night just get back at her.

Essence and Olivia got into Olivia's bed and met in the middle.

"Good night sweetie." Olivia said and pressed a kiss to Essence's forehead.

"Good night." Essence said. She immediately rolled away.

Olivia sighed and listened to Essence's even breathing. She figured she was asleep so she let herself drift off.

Once Essence was sure Olivia was asleep, she slipped out of her bed and crept down the hall to her new bedroom. She closed the door as quietly as she could before flicking on her light. She dug around through her bags until she found her pack of smokes. She turned the light off and slipped out of her bedroom and out into the living room before skipping across the room to the patio. She opened the patio door and stepped outside. Once she was sure Olivia wouldn't come out and catch her, she whipped out a cigarette and lit it up. She took deep drags, enjoying the nicotine flowing through her veins. Before she put her cigarette out, she raised one of her sleeves and burned herself with the butt. It had become her newest addiction. She had several cigarette butt burns on the inside of her arm that were scabbed over. Once she felt like she was able to breathe she dropped the butt in a cup of water and hid it out of sight.

After she was done smoking she crept back into the house trying not to make any noise and run into anything. She walked back into the bedroom and ran into Alex. 'Shit' "what are you doing here?" she whispered. "I could ask you where you been and why your coming in so late?" Essence huffed and rolled her eyes. "For your info I was only outside..." with that she walked away and into her room and closed the door behind her. She dug in her hand and found what she wanted she opened the pill bottle. 'Laxatives' relief. She tossed 4 back. She was calm. 'Thank you weight loss ED'. She dug around for her next hand coping tool. She found her shiney friend who has never left her side. She stared in a daze going into a high she slid it down her arm and watched the blood drip. Before she could clean up Olivia walked in.

"Essence what happened?" Olivia asked as she pushes herself fully into the room. "Honey, you're bleeding." She walks over to Essence and inspects her arm.

Essence tries to pull her arm free. "I cut myself OK?!" She snapped.

Olivia felt a wave of nausea crash over her as she looks at the scars of old cuts and what looks like burns on her daughter's olive skinned flesh. Tears prick her eyes as she realizes her daughter has been hurting herself for probably a long time. "Let me help you clean it up." She says, swallowing the lump in her throat.

"No, it's fine. I don't need you.I got it. Go back to bed with your girlfriend." Essence said in a clipped tone.

Olivia sighed. "Honey, I didn't know Alex was coming over, I promise."

"Whatever, She's here now and I'm sure you're not enough of a cunt to kick her out. She probs came over to get some. Make sure you keep it down, k?" Essence said, rolling her eyes.

"Essence...I..." Olivia couldn't get the words out. And she desperately wanted to tell the girl how much she loved her. She didn't understand why it was so easy to help victims that were perfect strangers but she couldn't seem to help her own daughter. She would forever regret giving Essence up for adoption. She didn't know what would happen after she signed those papers. Those people promised to love her daughter forever and they threw her away like a pair of used shoes.

Olivia wasn't going to give up nor was she going to leave the room. Her daughter needed help and knew she couldn't be left alone. She wasn't going anywhere ever again. This was going to be permanent and she was going to make sure of it.


End file.
